I wanted to be famous when I was a child; 

someone who was on tv.

Watching teenagers dance

on Saturday mornings,

absorbing countless episodes of

Star Trek after school,

committed to imaginary

friendships with characters

that fought evil and loved with gusto.

I didn't want to be a witness

my whole life,

but one of the bold ones.

I knew that what happened

inside that box

was only a sampling

of what could be.

But what happened on tv

did not help me figure out

how to live in my body,

navigate my mind, or choose the 

right path. 

I did not learn to listen

from that teacher,

nor did I learn to feel

connected 

until I turned the distraction

off.

The buzzing of silence

formed a question mark

that made me seek

something else.

What I have learned from 

peace

has taught me everything I needed to know.

The simplicity of watching

a hummingbird

gave me wonder;

the gratitude for a western river

has humbled me

and the dream of a full moon

reassured me.

But what changed me most

was time.

that orange heart
did it,
pushed me into recognition

maybe just a bird in a tree
otherwise
sharing my space
for a moment

pecking at suet

but the valentine neck
woke me up
in an instant

my moment
became
bigger,
brighter~
truth more flexible

there was nothing to do
but watch

and in watching
i became the bird
for just a moment

flicker
of
awareness

An answer to a question

Seeking,
ever seeking,
I have never stopped asking questions,
learning to accept answers that arrive
in unexpected ways.

Yet
All questions return
to my fundamental need:
"Oh, great Universe,
please reassure me
that life makes sense. "

All the ways I ask for reassurance
are met gently
with reminders
to be grateful.

Gratitude does not need to beg
for reassurance,
as it rests in the fullness
of what is.

And so I must let go
of seeking, ever seeking~
(at least occasionally)
if I ever hope
to feel the peace
that
inhabits
what is.

A New Framework

It begins with being willing

To call it like it is~

Whatever that might be.

If I can say it, then maybe I can see it.

When I see it like it is,

Maybe, just maybe,

I can move it around in my heart

And see something new.,

Feel something new.

I thought it was about this….

Maybe

There

Is something else

that can be said.

I let the feelings rise and fall

Like the sea, remembering

All the gentle mantras

That help me breathe when

Whatever it is

hurts

Like a boa constrictor

Cutting

off

my

 air supply.

A breath in, a breath out,

I survive

Whatever it is

 by breathing,

By being willing to see what it is,

By calling it by name.

Sometimes tears wash

Some of the debris away.

Sometimes

I just have to keep moving,

Finding meaning

In my determined hands~

Tasks

Or my mind’s hope

For distraction.

The thing is ,

you don’t need to know

What shape my pain takes

In order

To send love

My way.

I feel better

Just

Knowing

that

You care. 

Blessings

Admitting what I don't know has never been an issue for me...
but accepting what I do know? How to do that?

I have impressions all the time
of layers upon layers of meaning and symbol.
I live in a world of symbol,
embodied by a  community of characters
both seen and unseen~
serenaded by a soundtrack
that sometimes sounds like the wind
and other times could be disco.

Paradox defines my curious harmony
and humor is the lubricant that keeps my joints moving.

I am both teacher and student,
mother and daughter,
writer and muse~
I see orange best when it rests next to blue
and remember my dreams
when listening to others share theirs.

We have met for a reason,
and I appreciate everything that means.
I believe in shared stories, and shared adventures~
you are part of my beautiful design
whether you know it or not.

Thank you.

A Quiet Life

I do so many things the same way
day to day
and some might think I do this 
because I like routine.


But actually 
it's because I need to know where I am 
when my inner landscape changes
from desert to lush forest 
to mountaintop to coastline
as I follow the Muse~


It's comforting to have a structured life
when my emotional experience
carries me far and wide
in search of truth, 
in search of inspiration,
in search of love's meaning.


There will come a time
when my outer adventures 
match
my inner adventures,
but in the meantime I am grateful
for the chance to safely explore
the gift of personal
map making.